Where's My Bailout?

Much like a winner of the lottery, the U.S. Treasury is getting an introduction to a lot of long lost friends and family who are down on their luck. I just thought I would throw my name into the mix on the odd chance that a bailout check lands my way.
The President, his Treasury secretary, and the members of congress put on a huge dog and pony show to pass a $700 billion dollar bailout package with no specifics as to where the money is to go. And that answer seems to change with the stock market roller coaster ride. Much like coasters, I am thinking the line outside the Treasure secretary's door looks very similar to one you might find at Cedar Pointe on it's highest volume summer day. 'You must be this broke to board this ride'. How amusing it must be to listen to the pleas of hardship. Mark Burnett could turn this into the next great reality show, "Gimmee Some Money!" The big three want $25 billion each. California wants $7 billion. Detroit wants $10 billion. (Greedy Detroit city council pigs want more than the state of California? Sent them to the slaughterhouse.) AIG wants another $10 billion on top of the $80 billion it has already borrowed. The list goes on and on as the line winds around a maze of arm rails.
So what do I need? Well $2,000 would put me completely into the black. But I have learned that these days, that isn't enough. For a measly $1 million of the bailout billions I would promise to pay off my debts and then contribute to the national economy. No golden parachute here. I would aid the auto industry by purchasing a couple of those earth friendly cars they are trying to sell. Then I would do my darndest to boost fourth quarter retail sales so we can all have a merry Christmas. I would also promise to help out the airline industry by personally flying to New York so I could invest some of my bailout into struggling Wall street stocks. Then it's off to California to spread a little of my money across Arnold's state. We could all benefit from a bailout for Joe6pack.
So Secretary Paulson, if your reading this, when you are passing out bailout checks, don't forget Joe6pack. Because it really doesn't matter what corporations, municipalities, states, etc. you try to save. If Joe6pack doesn't have a dime to spend keeping these organizations going, the line outside your office door is never going to end. And like AIG and stray cats that you feed, they will just keep coming back for more.